I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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