I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Your tits are I can't wait for
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
