so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
