I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
