I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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