I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Randomize
