I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
