i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
