You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
