Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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