There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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