Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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