I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
