No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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