Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
