So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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