Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
