i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
this will be a night to untag.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
