I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Randomize
