wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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