so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
