Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
