I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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