The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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