Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
