You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
