nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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