i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize
