took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
how drunk are you?
Several
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
