Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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