You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
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