Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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