dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
