God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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