I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
