If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Randomize
