My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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