"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
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