If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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