Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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