thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
