when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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