i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
