I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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