I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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