True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
so much tequila, so little girl.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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