i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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