I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
