i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Randomize
