The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
