its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
