final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
how does that bad decision feel?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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