her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
